A Good Place

There are always going to be the naysayers.

It’s difficult not to listen to them, especially when one of them is the voice in your head.

What did we know about owning land?  I grew up on 10 acres, but we didn’t have any animals, other than a couple of mutts with Serbian names.  I would help my mom in the garden occasionally, but it wasn’t like I spent my summers in the corn fields.  Joe wasn’t any wiser.

But we had the desire.

And when you have desire, a true desire…one from the bottom of your gut, one that when you think about it, it feels…right…magical things happen.

I didn’t believe this in my younger years.  In my younger years, I actually wanted to be a dentist.  When I was 24, I went back to school after already finishing a business degree, to take my prerequisites for dental school.  Then one day it dawned on me – if I continue with this, I won’t be a dentist until I am thirty.  Thirty.  Thirty, as I know now, is young.  But when I was twenty four, thirty is…well, thirty is a minivan-driving, suit-wearing, bill-paying thirty year old.  I knew one day I’d be that age, but that idea was enough to stop me.  The naysayer in my head, and a couple outside of my head, did a good enough job of saying, “Thirty?!  You already have a degree!  Are you even going to like being a dentist?  You didn’t like science in high school. You’re going to be studying while your friends are out living their lives!”  What they said really doesn’t matter now.  All that matters is the naysayers won, good or bad.

Or did they?

I don’t think they won, really.

I don’t think I really wanted it.

I know now, if you really want something in life, and you focus on it, it will happen.  You may actually not even know you’re focusing on it until later.  Here’s what I mean.

I was at Bed Bath & Beyond one day, right after Joe and I bought our first house in 2004.  I saw this picture hanging near the checkout wall.  And I walked over and bought it.  I didn’t intend to buy any artwork that day.  But I saw it.  And that was it.

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I didn’t know what I loved about this picture.  But I loved how it made me feel when I looked at it.  And I knew I wanted to be able to look at it whenever I wanted.  So I took it home with me and it hanged at the end of the only hallway in our home.  I saw it every day when I would walk to my bedroom.

Then one day, 6 years ago, I was driving while working near Greencastle, Indiana and passed this property.  I drove this road at least once every couple of weeks, but never really noticed this piece of property.  When I did, it was enough for me to to turn around and take a picture of it.

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Again, I don’t even know why I did it. I loved it, of course, but I had passed other properties similar to this one.  I was drawn to this one so much so that just in case I didn’t drive by it again – our work territories changed all the time – I wanted to be able to preserve this sight.

These wants, these desires I experienced, I knew they came from deep inside.  I was drawn to it and it came from an authentic place – not to please anyone else or to ask someone else if they liked it too.  I knew I loved it.  And that was all.

And then we found our land.

And I saw this…

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My tree at the end of my hallway was standing in front of me.  Except it was real.  I could touch it and climb it.

And now I see this…

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The white house at the end of the gravel road – I call it home now.

I didn’t even know then how much I desired this when I had those images in my life.  I knew i didn’t second guess them when I saw them the first time –  just pictures then.  But I knew I Ioved the way they made me feel when I saw them and I knew I wanted that feeling all the time. And that was enough.  That feeling was strong and true enough to pull it into my life and make it real.  And I follow that feeling now.  And I find it always leads me to a good place.

2 thoughts on “A Good Place

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